Dr. B (M.D.) and guest blogger Dr. E (Ph.D)
Tiger Woods, who started to play golf at age 2 and appeared on ABC's "That's Incredible" at age 5, has achieved one of the greatest sustained periods of dominance in the history of men's golf. He plays in fewer tournaments than most professional golfers, but when he does play, according to the findings of Jennifer Brown of the University of California, other golfers play worse than when he is not in the tournament.
His ethnic diversity (Tai,Chinese, African American, Dutch and American) and physical grace make him attractive and exotic and add to his appeal. His measured, cautious and carefully controlled demeanor help him project an image of an elegant, reliable, cool, masculine, disciplined and trustworthy man.
Now his wife, the mother of his two children, along with the rest of the world, knows that what we all see is not what we get. Tiger, like many married men, we now know is a womanizer, with one of his extramarital women saying that Tiger likes it rough by dominating her, spanking her and pulling her hair. Others now argue that Tiger was unsatisfied with marital sex, an excuse many married men use, and that's why he went elsewhere for sex.
Tiger and his wife apparently find it easier to discuss money than their relationship (the elaborate prenuptial agreement and the alleged financial deal for her to stay married), and that makes us wonder why married men and women can't discuss sex. Why do so many of them seem unable to tell each other what they need and want from sex?
In the movie "Analyze This," Robert DeNiro, a Mafia boss, has a beautiful wife and a mistress. The psychiatrist, Billy Crystal, asks him why he can't make passionate love with his wife. DeNiro, looking incredulously at Crystal, replies,"You mean doing IT with the mother of my children?"
How ironic that husbands love their wives, put them on a pedestal, and respect them as the mothers of their children so much that their wives become untouchable! And wives may feel that since their husbands think of them as saintly, they have to inhibit their sexuality or their husbands won't love them as much. Instead of talking about it and getting help if needed, husbands leave their wives sexually frustrated and unsatisfied, go off and have sex with women they have no attachment to or respect for, and when caught, rationalize that they went elsewhere for sex because they couldn't get it at home. Extramarital affairs are free of the complexities of marriage, and men prefer things simple.
Ordinary men may not have the women groupies who surround famous athletes and entertainers, and they don't get to travel, making affairs easier, the way Tiger Woods does. And they certainly don't have the resources to wine, dine and hide their extramarital women.
More important for all married couples is to examine why deeply loving someone may result in unfulfilling sex. When did pure love mean love without passionate sex? At one time pure love was a prerequisite for great sex.
We're Drs. B and E. For more information, click on the following resources: