Should Young Girls and Boys Be Bathed Together?

Purchase-tub-200 It's understandable that to save time, sometimes parents will bathe children of the opposite sex together,  but after age 3 or 4, this is not a good idea.    Sigmund Freud observed that children become interested in touching, exploring genitals and masturbating at around age 4.  At age 4, boys can have an erection and an orgasm. Remember that Freud believed that "penis envy" is a big part of what motivates females! 

Since brothers and sisters are not supposed to be interested in each other sexually, however, parents might assume that there's no problem in bathing them together.  Children, however, whether they are brother and sister or not, are not fully acculturated, are not inhibited by our rules and are puzzled by sexual differences, and they are driven by their curiosity, pleasure-seeking and instincts.

If a boy becomes aroused while being bathed with a girl, the parent may become alarmed and almost invariably will communicate apprehension that conveys to the child that what he is feeling is wrong. Since this is happening before a child can think abstractly and has such linited knowledge of the world, it can become the seed in the noxious problems of tomorrow, a chance not worth taking.

In Europe, children are often nude at the beach, but this is a public setting without the closeness and intimacy of a bathtub at home, so any sexual feelings are less intense and, therefore, less toxic.   After age 3 or 4, do not bathe children of the opposite sex together.

I'm Dr. Blokar.

Here are some parenting resources for you:

The Children's Hospital Guide to Your Child's Health and Development 

Basic Freud:Psychoanalytic Thought for the 21st Century  

Teaching Children With Dwon Syndrome About Their Bodies, Boundaries, and Sexuality 



Michael Jackson


Michael Jackson was enormously talented but also enormously troubled. While many child performers have problems as adults, Michael as  a child performer was managed by his father and traveled with his brothers, and that luxury of staying with a close-knit family while working is a luxury most child performers don't have.  Still, there are at least two aspects of his life that were problems: his relationship with children and his body image.
He built Neverland, a reference to Peter Pan who vowed never to grow up.  He was a 50-year-old child/teen who enjoyed being with children more than with adults.  Is it possible that he wanted to make children happy and help them grow up correctly, almost as if curing others would make his own wounds heal? 
Relationships with children are easier than ones with adults.  Children tend to be genuine and easier to control.  When you entertain a child, you are likely to get something back.  Adults, however, can be unpredictable.  Even if you are giving and generous, you may be misunderstood, rebuked or even ridiculed.
As for his obesession and unhappiness with his appearance, one wonders that if indeed most adults "wear masks," why did Jackson want to keep perfecting his mask/appearance?  He ended up looking like a strange, white woman.  Why did he seem to reject both his race and his gender?  His identity and gender problems made it easier for Jackson to keep company with children and teens, since that was easier than the adult world with its defined roles and rules.
Jackson's fame and money were his enablers: he was able to build Neverland, able to get all the rights regarding his children, able to get drugs, able to get spiritual leaders and able to live outside the mainstream of society.  People were bought with his money and blinded by his fame.
By now we know that black or white, American or non-American, male or female, rich and famous or poor and unknown--people may have problems and be ill and, therefore, may not be able to enjoy what they have been given or what their enormous talent has allowed them to achieve.
I'm Dr. Blokar. 
Thank you.   
 Here are some excellent books on the subject:

Michael Jackson: For the Record

Michael Jackson:The Magic and the Madness

Michael Jackson, the King of Pop 

Michael Jackson American Master 

Understanding Body Dysmorphic Disorder 

The Broken Mirror:Understanding and Treating Body Dysmorphic Disorder  

Feeling Good About the Way You Look

Dr. B Discusses Pedophilia

Can castration cure pedophilia? In her typepad blog, Dr. B looks at this controversy and weighs in with her provocative opinion about whether castration is an effective treatment for pedophiles or whether pedophilia can be cured at all.

To learn more about treatment for pedophilia, check out these books at Amazon.com:

Sex Offenders

Recovering from Sexual Abuse, Addictions and Compulsive Behaviors 

The Hidden Monster: Pedophilia 

Why Pedophilia Cannot Be Prevented

Treatment Considerations for Pedophilia

Sex and Power - John Edwards's Infidelity

John Edwards's infidelity was and is more upsetting to people than, say, that of Bill Clinton and Eliot Spitzer.  The one request Elizabeth Edwards asked of John when they married was that he be faithful. His failure has been devastating to her. She was asked if she still loved her husband and she responded that that was a complicated answer. Extra marital affairs can change the dynamics forever in even what appears to be the most solid of marriages.

Dr. B looks at the reason for this.   

Elizabeth Edwards just wrote a book about her experiences and feelings called Resilience. It is a moving and thoughtful book.

Here are other excellent and recommended books on the subject of infidelity:

Ulitmate Betrayal, When Good People Have Affairs, Infidelity: Discovery to Recovery,The Truth About Cheating and Sex and Power: Defining History...