Summer Olympics: Why Male Divers Are Sexier Than Swimmers
In my estimation, nothing beats divers for sex appeal. Not to denigrate the skill of swimmers, but there's no comparison. With extra attention given to these aquatic competitions in an Olympics year, here's why I have a soft spot (that grows hard) for the divers:
- Body Hair - This is the biggest point in divers' favor. It's such a pity that swimmers purposely shave off their manliness to look like greyhounds with goggles while divers show off their treasure trails, pit hair, tufts on their pecs.
- Form - With their spins and twirls, diving competitions are akin to those of figure skaters or performances by ballet dancers. And divers' techniques and muscle movement aren't concealed beneath kicked up water.
- The Shower - It's become a highly anticipated part of each diver's post-dive ritual and should be its own competition, or at least be incorporated into the judge's scoring. May I also suggest a slow-motion replay?
- Facial Expressions - This gives an idea of what each diver's moment of orgasm looks like.
- The Splash - Commentators make a fuss over each diver's entry into the water and how much of a splash it makes. For me it evokes the act of penetration.
- Speedos on Parade! - Especially enthralling when they're shown in action as each diver bounds down the diving platform toward the camera.
- Drama! - Scores are more subjective and take a while longer to be announced while swimming medals are determined at an instant by the cold, sterile clock.
- Greg Louganis, Matt Mitcham & Tom Daley - Three openly gay gold medal winners. (Daley came out the year following the 2012 Olympics.) And extra points go to Mitcham for being the only of the three who was out before he won his gold (at the 2008 Games in Beijing).
And then, of course, there are the gymnasts, but a debate over the sexy attributes of their competitions versus divers will have to wait for another day ...