How Gay Are You? A Checklist to Review

So you're attracted to men, but how "gay" are you really?  It's more than just what you do between the sheets.  To help you determine the degree of your gayness, I've drawn up a check list of what you need to know or do, at minimum, to be a card-carrying, rainbow-flag-flying homo in good standing ...

 

 

• It's an absolute must that you know the correct spelling of Barbra's, Liza's and Katharine Hepburn's first names.

 

 

• Upon hearing the opening notes of Dancing Queen you stop what you're doing and rush onto the dance floor (bonus points for squealing with delight).

• T-shirts or polo shirts should fit snugly.  Being able to see a slight impression of your nipples through the fabric is the aim.  Remember, fit takes precedence over comfort.

• If you walk into the middle of a conversation in which your friends are chatting about pitchers and catchers, don't be discouraged if you're not a sports fan because chances are they're not talking about baseball.

 

 

• Vanity Fair is preferred over People.

• You're able to while away the hours with your friends thinking up drag names (without using the formula that's largely for the amusement of heterosexuals).  Sipping a cocktail or two enhances the experience.

• You put considerable thought into what you're going to wear at the gym, including briefs, which are important for your locker room striptease.  Lastly, a stylish gym bag is de rigueur.

 

 

• Upon hearing the name Adam Sandler your facial expression involuntarily becomes one of disdain.

• You can name at least three male figure skaters.

• You have far too much style and creativity to wear a t-shirt that merely says "Abercrombie & Fitch" or "JP Morgan Corporate Challenge".

• You can recite at least one line of dialogue from each of the following movies: The Women; All About Eve; Auntie Mame; Valley of the Dolls; and Mommie Dearest.

 

 

• You know the U.S. states in which same-sex marriage is legal.

• Give Sondheim a listen.  Like nipple play, his work is an acquired taste - but it can be very satisfying.

• Rather than "What would Jesus do?" you ask "What would Martha do?

 

 

 

• You don't put "clothes" on, you put on an "outfit".

• You're familiar with the following acronyms: HRC, LLDEF, BDSM, PFLAG, AMFAR, CBT, GLAAD, VGL.

• Finally, Brazilians = TROUBLE

 

        

Comments

[Enrico]

Darn, I failed the test. :(