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January 2014

A Large Penis Doesn't Alway Impress

Penis.sizeI'm amused whenever a guy tells me his dick is 10-1/2 inches - as if he expects me to bow reverently and beg him to come home with me.  Hardly.  As others have probably discovered themselves (men as well as women), that's simply too big for either orifice.  It may be tempting in theory, but in practice the appeal diminishes.  Although you can hold it in your hands, that's pretty much the extent of the interaction.  As for me, I run the other way.  Sorry Mandingo, but as Shania Twain once said, "It don't impress me much."  Since the average size of a man's penis is 5-1/2 inches, seven inches is plenty big enough.  After all, as the song by Henry Glover says so well, "It ain't the meat, it's the motion."

 

Monster.in.my.pantsOf course, whenever a supposedly horse hung individual tries to beckon me, I put him off gently.  Since their endowment is likely crucial to their self worth, I don't want to crush the poor guy.  (Fred Schneider, of B-52's fame, wrote an amusing tribute in their honor titled "Monster".)


Best Disco Songs with "Hand Claps"

Clapping_handsSynthesizers, whistles, bells, tambourines and electronic beeps are all incorporated into dance music, but the hand-clap stands out for its human connection (granted they're often the product of a synthesizer).  What I also like about hand claps is how they have a primal way of compelling the listener/dancer to join in.  You'll know what I mean as you review the following baker's dozen of my hand-clap favorites:

 

  • Cocomotion - El Coco (1977).  The song begins with the lyrics, "Do it, do it good (clap-clap), dance the Cocomotion (clap-clap) ...".  (In the link this line comes on about midway through the song.)

Cocomotion

  • Don't Let Me Be Understand - Santa Esmeralda (1977).  A remake of a rock classic from the mid-60s, but with a salsa beat.

Santa.esmeralda

  • Everybody Dance - Chic (1979).  The lyrics issue the command, "Everybody dance (ooh ooh ooh), clap your hands, clap your hands."

Chic

  • Good Times (1979)- Chic.  This song, perhaps the top song of the summer of '79, came out just as the CBS sitcom by the same name was ending its 6-year run.  The clapping occurs during the chorus of "Good times, these are the good times, leave your cares behind".

 

  • Fairy Tale High (1977) - Donna Summer.  From her double-album titled Once Upon a Time, when I bought it I realized that I was gay.  Double click here to hear an extended remix.

Donnasummer

  • One of a Kind - Donna Summer (1978).  This song comes in the middle of the grand, 18-minute "MacArthur Park Suite".

 

  • If There's Love - Amant (1978).  Clapping comes in during an interlude about two-thirds of the way into the song.  I first heard this at the famed Gaiety in Times Square (above Howard Johnson) when I moved to New York in March 1979.

Amant

  • In the Navy - Village People (1979).  Hand claps come in during the chorus of, "They want you, they want you, they want you as a new recruit!"

In.the.navy

  • Let's All Chant - Michael Zager Band (1978).  The extended 12-inch version begins with rounds of clapping followed by "Ooh-ooh, ah-ah, let's all chant (clap-clap-clap); Ooh-ooh, ah-ah, let's all chant (clap-clap-clap)".  Click here for a jaw-droppingly cheesy clip from Solid Gold that may ruin your enjoyment of the song forever.

 

  • Mandolay - La Flavour (1980).  Not to be confused with the Burmese city of Mandalay, Mandolay is a woman who hangs out at a disco in Spain.  Rhythmic hand claps are part of the song's chorus.

 

  • Don't You Want My Love? - Debbie Jacobs (1979).  The clap pattern is:  "Clap, beat, clap-clap".  Listen for yourself in this clip.

Dontyouwantmylove

  • Car Wash - Rose Royce (1976).  Its funky opening includes rhythmic clapping.

Carwash

  • Rasputin - Boney M (1978).  This group was huge in Europe but not in the U.S.  Double click here to hear the song and watch the video.    

 

You may also find the following two posts about classic disco of interest:

Favorite Lyrics of Classic Disco Hits

Silly Disco Hits

 


Early Indicators That Pointed to a "Pink" Future

Pre-gayA few years ago on the season premiere of HBO's sitcom Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry, the show's protagonist, had an amusing first encounter with his girlfriend's precocious, bordering on flamboyant,  7-year-old son, Greg.  Greg was likely not aware of his gay tendencies (e.g., Project Runway was his favorite show), so Larry referred to him as being "pre-gay".  I could relate because, looking back, all the indicators were there for me as well.  Here are nine of them, memories from when I was a boy:

 

  • When I was six years old I'd wrap my sweater around my shoulders.  If I was lying on my stomach on my bed or on a beach towel I'd kick my legs up and swing them like I was Annette Funicello or Sandra Dee.
  • I had a crush on actor Bill Bixby and the Beatles' Paul McCartney.

 

Billbixby1

 

  • When I played with boy friends in my sandbox, I liked to have them take off their shoes and socks so I could pour sand over them.

 

Sandbox

  • I liked to look through my Dad's issues of Sports Illustrated in hopes of catching a glimpse of athletes in their bare feet or bare chested in the locker room. (I remember feasting my eyes on a bare chested and bare footed Oakland Raiders quarterback Daryle Lamonica sitting in front of his locker.)  I also liked to watch post-game locker room celebrations on TV in hopes of catching a glimpse of a sweaty bare chest.
  • My musical tastes leaned towards Carly Simon, the Andrew Sisters, Manhattan Transfer, Bette Midler and the Carpenters.

 

Carpenters

  • I still remember the cologne my first male teacher, Mr. Heller (6th Grade), wore - Jade East.

 

Jade.east.cologne

  • I liked playing with my girlfriends' Barbie dolls.
  • Photos often showed me posed with my right hand on my hip. 

 

20140101_084546

 

  • Finally, in the First Grade I had a crush on a schoolmate whose name was Jefferey Bidding.  I was crushed when he moved at the end of the school year.

 

However, at the same time I also possessed some traditional boylike characteristics.  For instance I liked cars, airplanes and building blocks, enjoyed playing wiffle ball with my brother and when I occasionally played touch football with the neighborhood kids I'd get exhilarated whenever I got roughed up.  I also enjoyed making fires and crushing my metal and plastic cars with bricks.  And blue was my favorite color.

 

My parents never tried to steer me in either direction and I did the things that appealed to me; my brother and sister never harassed or ridiculed me.  Furthermore, I never suffered at the hands of bullies, although looking back I certainly could have - kids weren't as mean and hateful as they seem to be now.