When Marcie Met Peppermint Patty (July 20, 1971)

 

Here's a question that wouldn't look out of place on an SAT exam: Which pair doesn't belong?

• Betty & Wilma
• Betty & Veronica
• Lucy & Ethel
• Laverne & Shirley
• Peppermint Patty & Marcie? 

 

Of course, the correct answer is Peppermint Patty and Marcie as they are the only duo with hints of a lesbian vibe between them.

 

Nearly 20 years before the smitten Waylon Smithers and Mr. Burns were introduced on The Simpsons, Marcie made her first appearance in the comic strip Peanuts as Peppermint Patty's devoted friend.  She was famous for always addressing Patty as "sir".  The strip introducing her ran on July 20, 1971. 

 

While not as obvious as the deep crush Smithers has for his boss, Mr. Burns, there is something unspoken going on between the two girls - even if they are unaware of it (and Peanuts creator Charles M. Schulz denied it).  And the fact that the two of them have vied for Charlie Brown's attention suggests that their radars aren't working properly.  After all, what straight girl in her right mind would be interested in Charlie Brown?  ("Girly-girls" Lucy and Violet certainly aren't.) 

 

And the debate rages on in the salons of Northampton, Smith College, Cherry Grove and the Cubby Hole in Greenwich Village.

 

 

 

 

Celebrating Drag Names

The recent end of Priscilla Queen of the Desert's Broadway run (in June 2012) inspired me to write about drag names.  Since gay men have such an innate appreciation for "camp", making up drag names is a favorite pastime.  It occurs at dinner parties, in the shower, while working out, riding on the subway - probably the same places straight men think about their fantasy football lineups. 

 

 

During my first summer out at Fire Island the vibe of the place obviously seeped into my consciousness because one night I had a dream in which I was given my drag name - Collette Whatchawant.  I joked to my housemates that I was a French Canadian Indian princess.  One glorious summer afternoon, as I lazed about on a raft, a housemate and his friend were at poolside creating a steady stream of delightful names.  I thought the best one was Penny Sfromhaven, a Scandinavian drag queen.

 

 

Occasionally when I'm watching TV a name will come to me from a commercial, e.g. last week an ad for an anti-depressant mentioned the chemical ingredient norepinephrine - and voila, Nora P. Nephrine, or Sara Tonin!  And then just last week I was grocery shopping and I picked up a container labeled Chocolate Ginger - yet another viable one to place in the drag name bank! 

 

 

When thinking up drag names a healthy vocabulary is very helpful, plus a sense of the absurd, e.g. Hazy Sunshine, Icy Disdain, Iva Kraving, Ida Slapter, Ella Q. Shin (I came up with the last three as I was writing this sentence).  Ivana is a great drag first name because, like vodka, it mixes well with almost everything: Ivana Askew, Ivana Lexus and Ivana B. Ondaleez!  

 

 

 

Although there are thousands of them here is a baker's dozen of additional names that really tickle me:

• Mimi Imfurst
• Tess Tosterone
• Sofanda Cox
• Orna Mint
• Rhea Lystik
• Bessie Mae Mucho
• Sheneedza Knapp
• Lynn Schmob
• Iona Trailer
• Kara Wayseed
• Faye C. Shus
• Anita Tension
• Olive A. Sudden

 

Then there are names that aren't based on breaking down words, they're just cute creations, e.g. Lady Bunny, Coco Peru (pictured, right), Sybil Bruncheon (all who are/were real drag performers) and Lola Falana - wait, that's a real person.  And I'm sorry, but in my book RuPaul isn't much of a drag name; it sounds more like a stop on the Paris Metro.  

 

 

Of course, for those with little creativity (you know, as Kathy Griffin might say, "the straights") there's a formula we all probably know that produces mostly uninspiring names: your first pet's name + mother's maiden name = your drag name.  Sometimes it works, most of the time not. 

The Aphrodisiac of Power: The Sexiest World Leaders

They say power is the greatest aphrodisiac - and all the better if that power is wielded by a handsome face.  Inspired by Mexico's dashing new president, this post salutes fashionable and sexy heads of state.  Not surprisingly, few of the world's presidents, prime ministers, sultans and dictators are heartthrobs.  However, I managed to find nine heads of state who are worthy of some adolescent ogling - and two honorable mentions.  (Ages are as of July 2014).

 

ENRIQUE PENA NIETO

President of Mexico

Age: 47

The youngest of my choices, he was elected president on July 1, 2013 (with less than 40% of the vote).  Appearance-wise he reminds me of a Latin Jon Huntsman but having sired two illegitimate children his personal life is more like that of John Edwards.

 

 

 

BARACK OBAMA

President of the United States

Age: 52

He may wear "mom" jeans when he's relaxing, but Obama wears a suit very well (European fit, no doubt).  Furthermore, he has a great gait, a wonderful smile and a soothing, intelligent speaking voice.  Even his graying hair hasn't detracted from his sex appeal.

 

 

  

 

 

 

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU

Prime Minister of Israel

Age: 64

Exuding classic Israeli arrogance and swagger, he infuriates the Arab world because he can be as stubborn and vengeful as they are.  A very hot soldier as a young man, Netanyahu is now an honorary "Silver Daddy".

 

 

 

RAFAEL CORREA

President of Ecuador

Age: 51

This charismatic and very popular president was pals with the late Venezuelan strongman, Hugo Chavez.  His style somewhat resembles that of New Jersey's blowhard governor Chris Christie (minus a few hundred pounds).  As president he once confronted police during a strike and dared them to shoot him.  Instead, they took him hostage and he was rescued by the army.

 

 

  

 

SEBASTIAN PINERA

Former president of Chile

Age: 64

Very suave and handsome in a John Forsythe kind of way, he looks like a head of state from central casting.  He came to the world's attention a few years ago during the miraculous rescue of the Chilean miners.  His term ended at the beginning of the 2014.

 

 

 

HAMID KARZAI

President of Afghanistan

Age: 56

He may be a double-dealing prick of an  "ally" (who will be out of office soon), but he gets style points for his tribal hat.  And he looks good without it as well.  Reminds me of Ben Kingsley.

 

 

 

QABOOS BIN SAID AL SAID

Sultan of Oman

Age: 72

He of the beautiful, flowing robes.  The oldest of my choices, he's said to be gay.

 

 

 

JOSE MARIA NVES

Prime Minister of Cape Verde Islands

Age: 54

Jose Maria Neves (Prime Minister of the Cape Verde Islands, age 54) - A tip of the hat to this tiny nation of 500,000.  Neves has the same professorial look that makes President Obama sexy.

 

 

 

 

DMITRY MEDVEDEV

Prime Minister of Russia

Age: 48

Dmitry Medvedev (Prime Minister of Russia, age 48) - And finally, representing the northern latitudes, the pasty Dmitry Medvedev.  Last year he recently handed over power to his diabolical mentor, Vladimir Putin, but is still prime minister.  He has a boyish appeal (somewhat reminds me of Simon Cowell).  Unlike Putin, there haven't been any photos circulated of a barechested Medvedev out in the wilderness.

 

 

 

 

HONORABLE MENTION

Both resigned in 2012, Serbia's president Boris Tadic and Portugal's prime minister Jose Socrates.  And both are 56  and look somewhat alike - separated at birth?  Under Socrates' leadership same-sex marriage was legalized in Portugal in 2011.

 

Boris Tadic

 

Jose Socrates

   

"The Sound of Music" Premieres (March 2, 1965)

The baroness, Uncle Max's quips, the boys in play clothes made from curtains ... The Sound of Music is a movie dripping with gay undertones.  But not until I came out did I come to fully appreciate the movie for its camp value.  Some of the best lines wouldn't be out of place at a Fire Island dinner party in the Pines or Cherry Grove.  I never get tired of watching this gem of a movie.

 

Adjusted for inflation The Sound of Music is the third highest grossing movie of all time in the U.S. (after Gone With the Wind and Star Wars).  It won five Oscars including Best Picture and Director; however, Julie Andrews lost out to Julie Christie.  Christopher Plummer wasn't even nominated. 

 

As with Grease and Moulin Rouge, re-watching The Sound of Music is always a treat for me.  In honor of the song My Favorite Things what follows is a list of my five favorite lines and five favorite scenes from the movie:

 

FAVORITE FIVE LINES

1. "Good bye Maria, I'm sure you'll make a very fine nun".

The baroness to flustered Maria as she hurriedly gathers up her belongings to return to the convent after the baroness tells her that the captain has fallen in love with Maria.

 

 

2. "If I'd have known I would have brought my harmonica." 

The baroness' sarcastic comment to Max after the family puts on an impromptu performance arranged by Maria.

3. "I need a man who desperately needs me - or at least my money." 

The baroness' gracious response to Georg after he tells her that their relationship wouldn't work.  (She was actually a decent character and ended up being a good sport about it all.)

 

 

4. "I like rich people.  I like how they live.  I like how I live when I'm with them."

Spoken by Max (aka Uncle Max) to the baroness.  (What was his story?)

                         

 

 

5. "The von Trapp Family Singers ...." 

Max announcing the family as winners of the music festival, but they don't come out to accept their award because they've escaped.  (A female comedian in the 1990's whose name escapes me used this line as part of her routine.  She'd call out their name throughout the act and look around expectantly.  Cracked me up!)

 

FIVE MEMORABLE SCENES

1. The Captain's confrontation with Maria over her making play clothes for the children out of the curtains.  When he cuts off Maria's plea to love the children she angrily shouts "I'm not through!"

2. At the ball to introduce the Baroness to his friends the Captain sees Maria out on the terrace dancing a traditional Austrian folk dance (the Landler) with one of his sons and cuts in,  Near the end of their dance they lock eyes and Maria becomes flustered and stops, saying she's forgotten the rest.  One of the daughters exclaims "You're blushing!"

 

 

3. Mother Superior questions Maria's return to the abbey and Maria slowly explains the situation.  Before launching into the inspirational song Climb Every Mountain Mother Super orders Maria back to the family.  ("Maria, the love between two people is sacred too.  No, you must go back".)

                             

 

 

4. After breaking off his engagement to the baroness Georg finds Maria sitting in the moonlight.  He tells her that he was hoping one of the reasons she returned was because she missed him.  Then he tells her there's not going to be a wedding. ("You can't marry someone - when you're in love with somebody else - can you?")

 

 

5. Before Diana's wedding to Prince Charles there was Maria's grand wedding to the Captain.  In a breathtaking scene she glides down the aisle of the church alone with her long train behind her.

 

 

Bonus Scene.  The family's escape to the Swiss border.  Just like every time I watch the the Wizard of Ozand still keep hoping that maybe this time Dorothy will make it into the storm cellar, I still hold my breath when the von Trapps hide in the cemetery at the abbey hoping that the Nazi's won't find them (or that Maria won't accidentally smother Gretl because she's holding her so tightly to keep her quiet).

The Party's Over: Recapping the 2012 Oscars (February 27, 2012)

Since the Academy Awards telecast is considered the gay Super Bowl, naturally there will be every type of post-event scrutiny from the LGBT ranks, and ZeitGAYst is no exception.  My accolades and withering criticisms of the 84th Oscars ceremony (broadcast on Feb. 27, 2012) begin below:

 

 

 

• Let's start with a big hug and kiss to Christopher Plummer for his Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.  In the movie Beginners he was a gay father who waited until he was in his 70s to come out (pictured below).  The last time an Oscar went to an actor playing a gay role was three years ago when Sean Penn won Best Actor for portraying Harvey Milk in Milk.  Additionally, at age 82 Plummer became the oldest person to ever win an Oscar.

 

 

• As usual, Meryl Streep looked like someone called a few hours before the ceremony to remind her about it and she quickly threw on something found in a JC Penney shopping bag at the bottom of her closet.  Still, her school-marm frumpiness is part of Meryl's charm (although I was rooting for Viola Davis).

 

 

• Melissa McCarthy obviously decided on the Scarlett O'Hara curtains option when choosing her gown.  Also, since the skit she did with Billy Crystal was a take off on Bridesmaids' airplane lavatory scene, the show's producers shouldn't have chosen that scene when her clip for supporting actress was shown.

 

 

• Jonah Hill has got to be the most "mature" looking 28-year-old I've ever seen (but kudos to him for slimming down!).  Then there was 39-year-old Octavia Spencer who slowly ambled onto the stage to accept her Best Supporting Actress Oscar as if she was 70 years old.  Since she was the favorite in her category, whoever advised her on her choice of gown did Octavia a disservice by not suggesting a style that would allow her to easily walk up the steps to the stage.

 

    

 

• Couldn't the show's producers have chosen a different clip of Viola Davis'  performance from The Help?  The crying scene was similar to her scene from Doubt that was shown when she was nominated a few years earlier.  I would have picked the scene in which she tells the little girl she looks after, "You is kind, you is smart, you is important".

 

 

• For the second year in a row Melissa Leo appeared on stage in a supremely unflattering gown, very similar to last year's.  Perhaps it was?   

• Demian Bichir looked genuinely touched by Natalie Portman's comments about his Best Actor nomination for A Better Life, comments she was reading from cue cards.  He looked so adorable.  It was a pity this was the only time he was shown on camera.

 

 

• I found the Cirque de Soliel segment silly but as I fast forwarded through it I stopped when I saw one of the male gymnasts take off his shirt while doing a handstand.

 

• Tom Hanks and Tom Cruise both looked more handsome than usual.  Hanks' face was less white and puffy while Cruise looked less boyish and more manly.  Billy Crystal, on the other hand, looked like a preserved basketball.

 

 

 

 

• During his acceptance speech I didn 't understand why the director of The Artist, Michel Hazanavicious, made a disparaging remark about the movie's dog star, Uggie.

 

• Loved the Wizard of Oz focus group skit but was disappointed that Parker Posey and Jane Lynch weren't part of the Christopher Guest troupe.  I also enjoyed Will Farrell and Zach Galafianakis' appearance with the cymbals.  Chris Rock was funny too.  However, I'm not a fan of Billy Crystal.  His humor is too "Borscht Belt" for my taste.  And this is how the Academy expects to attract younger viewers?

 

 

 

• Emma Stone was a delight when she presented with Ben Stiller.  (It took attention away from the huge, cumbersome bow around her neck.)   I also got a kick out of Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph's banter about their length and width preferences of movies (wink, wink).

 

 

• Sandra Bullock came on stage with such a somber demeanor that at first I thought she was doing the "In Memoriam" tribute.  

 

• I was somewhat disappointed that the Pakistani woman who won for her documentary Saving Face didn't make a more strident comment about misogyny in Muslim society.

 

• With the exception of Nick Nolte, all the men looked great.  Take your pick - George Clooney, Jean Dujardin, Colin Firth, Gary Oldman - all so debonair and classy.  The lead actor from Best Foreign film, A Separation, exuded Persian animal magnetism.  And People Magazine's Sexiest Man of 2011, Bradley Cooper, was looking good too with those devilishly sparkling eyes of his!

 

 

 

 

• The montage of stars reminiscing about their favorite movie going experiences was not flattering to those chosen.  Barbra Streisand and Warren Beatty looked especially dissipated.  Even the much younger Julia Roberts didn't look that great.     

The "Campiest" Super Bowl Halftime Show of All Time? (January 24, 1982)

 

 

Does a certain amount of time have to pass before an event or performance is given the designation of "camp".  For example, when it was airing, did we realize the camp factor of Eva Gabor in Green Acres, Phyllis Diller in The Pruitts of Southampton, or Peggy Lee's song Is That All There Is?  The same holds true for the halftime show from 1982's Super Bowl in which the squeaky-clean youth organization known as "Up With People" performed. (Fun fact: Glenn Close was once a member.)  

 

Up With People also performed at Super Bowls in 1976, 1980 and 1986.  However, to dissuade viewers from switching channels, halftime shows became slick productions featuring marquee celebs (remember Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake?).  Compared to today's shows there's a charming quaintness to the simple "let's put on a show" quality from yesteryear - not too dissimilar from stage shows put on for vacationers on board cruise ships - or at Disneyland.  (And with plenty of gay folk providing the entertainment.) 

 

 

Likes & Dislikes of Gay Life: One Gay Man's Perspective

 

 

When I started writing this post my plan was for it to be only about those aspects of gay life that bother me.  But as I worked on it I decided I didn't want to come across as a jaded queen, especially because there is plenty I enjoy about the gay milieu.  Therefore, I chose to give both sides equal time. Originally penned in the winter of 2012, I've updated it somewhat during the spring of 2014.

 

THUMBS DOWN

• The insipid music of Katy Perry

• Bravo's Andy Cohen for inflicting the Housewives of ... series on us, a sorry celebration of misogyny and anti-social behavior if ever there was one.

 

 

• Porn stars who think they're going to have a second career as professional singers. 

• The complete lack of sexual chemistry between Modern Family's Cameron and Mitchell

 

 

• Photos of Chaz Bono bare chested

• Out Magazine's "Nipple Count" feature.  And speaking of Out, why don't they just combine it and the Advocate; after all, they're delivered together in the same polybag.

• Completely shaved armpits

 

 

• Little kids on the ferry to the Pines

• Fawning over Anderson Cooper

• Boys who sashay

• Groups of loud, straight women at gay bars.  No, you are not Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte or Miranda.

• The occupation known as a "nightlife promoter"

• Gay Republicans

 

 

• Tourists who insist on holding hands and clog Times Square are very annoying, and I feel the same about gay couples who do it in crowded bars, with one pulling the other behind him through the throng.

• Michael Lucas and his laughably silly Donald Trump pout 

• An air-brushed Ellen DeGeneres, who looks increasingly like a pre-pubescent Ricky Schroeder

• Glee

• The sad decline of Christopher St. and 8th Ave. in Chelsea

• The closing of Splash Bar after 23 years

 

 

THUMBS UP!

• Tim Gunn, Carson Kressley, Michael Musto, John Waters, Joan Rivers (RIP), Kathy Griffin - and a very honorable mention to Hugh Jackman!

 

 

 

 

• Classic Disco night at the Monster

• Lady Gaga, Madonna and Cher

• Judy Garland's 1963-64 variety show on DVD

• A tattoo on the nape of the neck, base of the tailbone or on one pec  - and nowhere else (in other words, tasteful understatement).

 

 

• Fire Island beach walks; summer afternoons lazing about Christopher St. pier

• New York Times op-ed columnist Frank Bruni (below), who replaced the highly regarded, and gay friendly, Frank Rich (who now writes for New York Magazine)

 

 

 

• Low tea at the Blue Whale

• "Broadway Bares" and "Broadway Backwards"

• Openly gay athletes, such as diver Tom Daley, gymnast Danell Leyva, basketball player Jason Collins and football player Michael Sam

 

Tom Daley

 

Danell Leyva

 

• The homo websites Towleroad, Subway Crush, JustJared, TheBackLot and MenTwoGether

• Same-sex marriage in New York state and throughout the Northeast

• Nathan Lane as Pepper Saltzman on Modern Family

 

 

• Gay men and lesbians who acknowledge their spouses/partners at awards shows

• The Tony Awards, especially when Neil Patrick Harris is the host

 

 

• Beyonce's song Love on Top (for its title alone!)

• Gay gents who follow sports (whether at Gym Bar or not)

• Next and MetroSource

• The glamour of the Supremes

 

 

• Gotham Volleyball, and other gay sports leagues (including Front Runners)

• The fact that Kylie Minogue and the Pet Shop Boys have never been embraced by the US mainstream makes them even more special.

• An appreciation of "camp"  

• HBO's gay drama Looking.

• Sunday Beer Blast at the Eagle in the summer (but for how much longer?)

 

 

So it turns out the pluses edged out the minuses, 24 to 19.  And if I failed to mention something or someone it suggests indifference, which may be the worst sentiment of all.

Perhaps Viagra Isn't the Answer ...

 

 

We're all familiar with the ubiquitous ads for the trio of erectile dysfunction drugs -  Viagra, Cialis and Levitra.  Besides being annoying and cringe worthy (especially the couples in his-and-her bathtubs), what makes them even more bothersome to me is the fact that they're targeted to straight men and couples.  What goes through my mind whenever I see these ads is that perhaps one reason for Joe Hetero's erectile dysfunction is simply a lack of interest in women.  With that in mind, I'd love to hear the following disclaimer made during the portion of the ad that discusses medical concerns:

 

"Viagra may not necessarily be what you need to address your problem.  Perhaps it's just a matter of changing the "scenery" - with a man.  Before going on the medication, engage in sexual relations with a man a number of times.  Then if you determine homosexual sex isn't the solution, consult your doctor."  

 

Of course, that might take sales away - big time.  Anyway, these ads seem long overdue for a Saturday Night Live parody.

Comical Gym Physiques

 

 

Every gym has a few of them hulking about.  I'm talking about those muscle hunks who concentrate on one part of their physique at the expense of other muscles.  Ironically, it's often these ignored parts of the body that draw notice because they are in comically sharp contrast to the overworked parts.  Although there are plenty of guys whose sculpted bodies are beautifully proportioned, there are these others who seem curiously oblivious that their bulging muscles actually accentuate the parts they ignore.  For example:

 

• Bic pecs/tiny mosquito-bite nipples.  A variation is nipples that point downward because the pec muscles have been worked out to such a degree that they've been twisted unnaturally.

• Bulging upper body/toothpick legs

• Musclebound body/tiny head - Also known as the Michelin Man, it aches to look at him - he sports hulking shoulders and is unable to hang his arms by his side. 

 

(To add a carnival sideshow look to any of the above, just add excessive tattoos.)  

 

It's somewhat laughable that all of the effort fueled by their vanity is neutralized by a workout routine that ends up drawing attention to their neglected body parts.  So, although I may be looking your way from across the workout floor, it's not necessarily because I'm admiring what I see ... I may just be amused.

 

Matthew McConaughey for Dolce & Gabbana: The Least Sexy Ad of the Year?

 

In addition to the Oscars, Hollywood also has the Razzies, which honor the worst movies and performances of the year.  Perhaps a similar award can be handed out to ad agencies that create magazine ads that try to exude sex ap. peal but don't pull it off. 

 

What brought this to mind is and ad I had seen a number of times (in 2011) in the New Yorker for Dolce & Gabbana's men's fragrance, "The One Gentleman".  Featuring actor Matthew McConaughey, it drew my attention, but for all the wrong reasons.  He's shown reclining with his shirt wide open, exposing an oddly smooth, airbrushed chest that has little definition.  It appears more like the flat chest of a young girl than that of a Lothario.  

 

 

This execution is particularly surprising coming from D&G, which has a reputation for some of the hottest campaigns around, particularly those using Italian soccer and rugby players.  (To be fair, the other ads in the McConaughey campaign aren't quite as cringe-worthy.)

 

     

 

When I see the McConaughey ad, I think of guys who pour on their cologne so thickly you can smell them many feet away.  They're probably the same guys who are in the market for a Donald Trump suit.  Who knows, perhaps this is who D&G is trying to attract.  If it is, they're not going to reach them by advertising in the New Yorker.